Six Point Five
by Gumnut
Summary: "So, Mr Tracy, on a scale of one to ten how would you rate the pain you are in?"


_This is a direct result of my toothache and thinking in the shower. An interesting combination. No warnings, no spoilers, but hopefully a little bit of humour :D_

-o-o-o-

It hurt.

"So, Mr Tracy, on a scale of one to ten how would you rate the pain you are in if ten is the worst pain you've ever felt?"

The worst pain? Hmm. He turned to Scott who was staring at him with worried eyes. "Well, it's bad, but it certainly doesn't rate up with the worst. Not like the time I broke my leg and you had to reset it halfway up K2."

"God, I hope not. You screamed enough to cause an avalanche two mountains over."

"Well, you held my leg wrong. I told you that."

"Yeah, I'll try to do better next time."

Virgil just glared at him, not game to never say there wouldn't be a next time.

The doctor standing next to his bed was being extremely patient. "Let's mark that at ten and work backwards."

"Okay."

Virgil focussed on his stomach and tried not to groan aloud.

"It's not as bad as the elevator that fell on me. That ached for ages. This is different."

Scott straightened. "What elevator?"

Oh shit. "Um, nothing to worry about."

"What elevator?" Blue eyes glared at him.

"The hammer. It is kind of like the time Gordon hit my hand with a hammer." God, that had hurt. For a bit there he had thought his brother had broken half the bones in his hand and his piano playing days were over. On second thoughts. "No, that was at least a five. This isn't quite up there."

Scott's eyes were promising pertinent questions later. "Then what about the bruising you got from catching that ballooning guy and falling twenty metres into your 'bird?"

"Nah, are you kidding me? I walked that off within a few minutes. Barely a one."

"Then what about the concrete that fell on your leg and arm on that last mission with Cass?"

Virgil frowned. "You know about that?"

"Of course, I know about that, you were limping for a week afterwards." Scott's lips quirked a little. "And besides I know a little 'bird in orbit who tells me all sorts of things."

Virgil grunted and was loudly reminded of why he was in the hospital in the first place. Ow. "No, that was nothing. This is something."

"Then what about the building that fell on you in Pakistan? You had a concrete beam land on your belly. How does that compare?"

Virgil frowned. "Hmm, close, could be a four. Though now I'm thinking of that time we had to rescue those kids from that massive rollercoaster in Moscow. You know, when my safety line slipped and I dislocated my shoulder." He frowned. "Though come to think of it, when you put it back in was pretty close to the broken leg incident. You know how to cause pain."

"Hey, you were the one who demanded I do it. You watch too many action movies."

"I watch too many action movies?! The only action movies I see are the ones I watch with you."

"You said you enjoyed them."

"I enjoy them because I'm watching them with you. Why else would I watch them?"

"Because they are fun?"

Another grunt, another wince. "Okay, okay, I'm going to go with a five now. This is definitely heading into hammer hitting the hand territory." He looked up at the young female doctor who was attending them in Auckland Hospital's emergency department. She was staring at both of them a little warily. "Doc?"

"Oh." She cleared her throat. "So the pain in your stomach is equal to that of getting your hand hit with a hammer."

"Yeah, and it is slowly getting worse-"

"Virgil?" A familiar voice interrupted him and he turned to catch sight of an equally familiar face. Uh, oh.

"Jimmy? Uh, hi."

The older doctor straightened his stethoscope and frowned. "What are you doing here…?" His eyes landed on Virgil's arm clutching his stomach. "Oh, you didn't."

"I had to." So he was defensive, big deal.

Jimmy turned to the young woman attending them. "Josephine, I'll take the Tracys on my slate, if it is okay with you. I know exactly what is wrong with this one. Any of the other brothers reporting symptoms?"

Scott answered. "No, none of us were that stupid." Blue eyes were again glaring at Virgil.

"If I may so ask, what is the diagnosis, Doctor Keene?" The young doctor was looking at him strangely.

Jimmy sighed and Virgil blushed.

"Mr Tracy here, loves his grandmother so much, he is willing to put his life on the line for her. Despite having been warned multiple times before."

"She does her best." Virgil had to defend Grandma.

"Virgil, her chilli is listed by the Poisons Information Bureau. You shouldn't eat it. Kill a pot plant or two like your brothers."

"I don't want to hurt her feelings."

"Well, you've likely hurt your stomach lining instead." Jimmy turned to grab a nurse. "See to it that Mr Tracy receives a full digestive tract examination and if necessary, schedule a flush."

Virgil's eyes widened. "Um…"

Jimmy arched an eyebrow. "You were warned last time."

Virgil groaned and sank into the bed.

His brother's hand landed on his arm and squeezed gently.

"This sucks." Virgil shifted and his stomach yelled at him. "I'm upping this to a six. Suspension bridge cable across the back."

"Ow." Scott winced.

"I was wearing the exo-suit, don't worry." Virgil stared down at his hands. "Busted it though."

Quiet. "Maybe we should give it its own number. Say six point five. Right between suspension bridge cable and that acid that ate our uniforms that time. I still have scars from that."

Virgil frowned. "Actually yeah, that sounds about right. Six point five."

"And don't eat Grandma's chilli again."

"Okay. I've learned my lesson, I think." Another groan and he clutched his stomach.

"Hey, doc." He waved his hand in the direction of both the doctors having an earnest discussion, no doubt at his expense. "Definitely a six point five."

"Grandma's chilli is six point five."

-o-o-o-

FIN


End file.
